


Closure

by Paradise_Found



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic Series - Drew Karpyshyn & Paul S. Kemp & Sean Williams
Genre: Canon Compliant, Death, Depressing, Emotional, F/M, Lost Love, One Shot, One True Pairing, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:14:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27865922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paradise_Found/pseuds/Paradise_Found
Summary: This occurs after the end of “Deceived”. The ending left me feeling unfulfilled. This is my answer to that. This work contains spoilers.
Relationships: Eleena Daru/Darth Malgus
Kudos: 5





	Closure

**Author's Note:**

> The book had a great lead up to the end of Malgus and Eleena, but it was over in half a page. It left me feeling unsatisfied. This wasn’t easy for me to write because I felt the same loss as Malgus. It hit me so hard I didn’t know how to process it all, even though I knew what was to come before I read the book! Sometimes, knowing how a story ends doesn’t make it any less impactful.

Malgus’s limbs drag with each awkward movement of his muscles. The realization of what he did slowly steeps and infuses down to the darkest recesses of his mind. He could not afford to be weak, not when he is so close to realizing his true purpose. He did what he thought was the only thing he could do. His hand lingers for a split second in the air, he has done this motion many times before, but this time, he is entering his residence as a forever changed man. The door slides open as it has always done under the influence of the Force. The stale air of his house blasts him in the face, a slap of disrespect but he does not react to its impertinence, for he has disrespected the sanctity of love. 

“Welcome home Master, thank the Emperor for your safe return!” The housekeeping droid’s red photoreceptors stare at Malgus, at the bareness of his soul, at the gaping hole in his heart. “Where is Mistress Eleena, Master?” A query that Malgus answers with a slight wave of his hand. All of its charged energy leaves the droid as soon as the Force falls on its shiny chassis, it crumbles in a pile of cold rigour in the entrance. 

Malgus does not want to answer its question. He does not want anyone else to utter the scripture of her name, it is sacred to him. She has been made a goddess in his mind after death. The antiquated ideals of the Empire forced his hand. If her death did not come from him, it would have been full of suffering and agony. Eleena did not deserve that, not after all she had been through. The only way he could keep her safe from harm was to kill her. It was his last act of love, for her and himself.

His heavy armour weighs on him more than usual as he steps into his house. He looks around at the life he built with Eleena, the remnants of her being haunt him through every inch of this sparseness. The lovely images of her face pour salt on his seeping wound. He knew the consequence of his actions, that it would overtake the whole of him. He is a verdant forest without the nourishment of rain, teetering on the edge of decay. He knew quite well what Eleena meant to him, but now that she is gone, he is confronted with the realization of what he lost, it is plain, stark and bitterly honest. He will never get her back and therefore, he shall never love again.

Pain is the evidence of love and every part of him cries out from the death of Eleena. His head bashes its solidity against his skull with every pulse of his heart, shadowing his vision with a vice hold. His breathing turns fast and shallow, the mask amplifies the sounds of his ragged gulps of air, an audible plea for his mind to relent. He doubles over as if someone has impaled him with an unseen lightsaber, right in his guts, it churns and drops boulders within him. He can feel the caustic sourness of stomach acid coming back up in his throat, it compels him to swallow hard to suppress its ascension. 

He staggers to the spare bedroom that she used to sleep in when she first came to him. It is as perfect as that day. Starlight shines through the little window above her bed, bestowing the room with serene white light. The sheets, neatly folded, rest on the end of the small bed. The table sits still in the other corner of the room, with a thin layer of visible dust. This scene before him seems completely removed from his reality. It is as if he never rescued her all those years ago on Geonosis, as if she didn’t exist. She did and loving her took all he had.

Malgus retires to the sanctuary of his room, each step deliberate. He remembers her flourishing in this house, each stride brings to the forefront a distant memory from their past. She found herself here, with him. He gave her a purpose other than servitude. But to have the blessing of light means the existence of darkness. The later years of their relationship were dominated by arguments. She wanted something more from him, something he didn’t think was in him to give. 

He removes each armour piece at a purposefully slow pace, welcoming the occupation of his mind with the task at hand. He takes a seat at the edge of his large bed, unsure of what he should do next. He feels unsettled, something gnaws at the ends of his mind, disquiet ambience pricks at his thoughts. He notices the flashing light of his datapad nearby, he holds it up to inspect it, only, it is not his. It belonged to Eleena. He had bought it for her long ago. He gently touches the datapad like it was an extension of her hand, tracing its mechanical curves, sensing its inanimate existence under his fingertips. 

He types in her security code and streams of graphics occupy the screen. It reveals her last interaction with it before they set off to Coruscant, before the irrevocable changes of their lives. Words appear, they are of the mundanity of her life. What day it was, what the weather was like and what tasks he sent her on. At first, the entries were full of mere data, but gradually, she added something else to her entries. Her words were the emancipation of her emotions, of longing, love, frustration and anger. Malgus’s eyes cannot tear away from them, this is the only surviving memento he has of his past. He has been reborn, into a shell of bereavement and pain, a sentient machine to serve the will of the Force. 

He reads the entirety of her diary until daybreak peeks through the horizon. The pink sunrise weaves threads of warmth in the sky, bright and joyful. He reads her last entry as the light shines through the windows, spreading rays of intrusive vibrancy.

“My love, you are lying beside me, sleeping so quietly next to me. I wish we could have it like this, always. In the morning, we go to Coruscant, you will have your victory over the Jedi, and I will be there by your side, as I always will be. I know you better than you know yourself, and I know what must come. I realized it before you did or maybe you have known all along and did not wish to admit it to yourself. I lived a hard life before meeting you and in many ways, you saved me, more than once. There is kindness in you, you dare not think so, but you do. And you have hurt me, I will not deny it, but love makes us hurt the ones we hold most dear, no? 

I will not make the journey back. I know I won’t. All these years passed us by like seconds. We did not cherish our time together as we should. I wish you didn’t care about the judgement of others, but they stay in your mind like a cancerous tumour, eating away the goodness in you. To love and be loved is to be vulnerable, I wish you could see the power in that. I wish you could see your strength in loving me. I wish I could say something to change your mind, to let me go, but you will not and I cannot live on without you, so I suppose this is the only way. I suppose this is my purpose, to be your strength in death. It has a sad beauty to it. I love you for eternity and I am grateful for your love in return. Goodbye, Veradun.”

The screen turns black at the end of her entry. Malgus loses his tight grip on the datapad and does not stop its descent onto the hard floor. It fractures into jagged pieces, exposing dead wires and rigid components from the impact, shattering her final words along with his heart.

No tears fall from his eyes, for he has none left.

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit me on [my tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/introversiontherapy).


End file.
